By Fiyati Utami
“So, what will you do tonight?” Jenna asks me.
“Nothing, may be I’ll watch tv, eat my snacks, and drink a cup of coffee” I reply her easily.
“C’mon, it is Saturday night! Don’t you wanna hang out?” Jenna pushes me.
“What for? Looking for the happiness? So childish!” I’m getting mad with her.
“Childish? Sarah, please be realistic! Don’t feel that you don’t deserve to get happy!” Jenna starts to be a kind girl.
“You think that I am not realistic girl? Where have you been, Jenna? I’m 23 now, so I’m totally realistic girl that realize who am I” I’m yelling to her.
“Sarah, why are you so mad? I just tell you to hang out and get free” Jenna looks mad.
“Yeah, does it work? No way! You just make me so angry” I try to be honest to her.
“If you don’t like my suggestion, never mind” She acts like she doesn’t care.
“Btw, your love has come, Tony. Don’t let him knock my door” I can’t hold my horse now.
“Okay, I go now, but remember I don’t like if you isolate your self like this. Be happy!” She tries to make me happy.
I just can see her face while she is telling me like that. Really, I don’t like her if she starts giving me her speech about finding love. She has got her love and Tony is always beside her. I think that Tony looks like a bodyguard. He protects Jenna. Tony is lebay, but Jenna loves him. Yeah, love is blind.
I know that Jenna doesn’t like my new hobby. Going to bookstore. You want to know why? It’s because I’m searching for someone who loves reading and I think that it’s so cool if you meet someone while you are reading a book and he is staring at you. Then, he asks your name and bla bla bla. Wow, fantastic scenario. But is it realistic? Nothing is impossible. I’m just waiting for a right man in the right time.
In the kitchen
“What are you doing here, Sarah?” Mom shocks me.
“I’m cooking.” I say to her suprisingly.
“You know it is unsafe and you are never in the kitchen.” Mom replies me.
“What? How pity I am. C’mon mom, I’m just cooking. It won’t kill me.” I explain.
“No, but you never cook.” She talks.
“Mom, some day, I will be someone’s wife and I’ll be here all day long. Being a servant.” I try to make her understand my feeling.
“Yes, you are right that you’ll be in the kitchen every morning or every evening, but being a wife, it doesn’t mean that you’ll be in a jail. You are so smart girl. You can do better. You will share with your beloved one. Someday, if you have husband, you will know that two is better than one.” Mom shows me how to see a marriage clearly.
“I’m 23 now and going to 24 in 2 days. I’m dying now. Jenna hates me. I don’t know how to find my own way.” I’m so weak in front of my mom.
“Honey, Jenna loves you and me too. We just want to see you happy and get what you want. Maybe you hope to get a perfect life but don’t you know that….”
“Perfect is taken from unperfect life. I know it mom.” I continue her words
She’s smiling to me. I know that she trusts me. I’ll get what I want. Thanks mom. I love you. She holds me. I am glad to have her beside me.
“Hi, Dinda Sarah. Long time no see. You look so beautiful.” Mr Anto, My manager comes to my room.
“Thank you, Kanda. You are so fresh. Have you taken a bath? Haha.” I give him a joke.
“Yep, hard to be a handsome man like me. Please Sarah, don’t start falling in love with me. You will find someone who is younger than me.” He answers my joke.
We are laughing together. Mr. Anto is a funny manager, but sometimes he is a serious man with a sharp tongue. I love and hate him so much. He is my friend, my dad, my uncle, and of course, my manager. That’s why I call him “Kanda”. My special name for him.
“Are you okay? You look so tired.” Sudenly he aks me.
“Yeah, so so. We are working, aren’t we? So, it is daily routine.” I tell him.
“Amazing. Don’t be workaholic. Manage your time wisely and get happy.”
Wow. I never heard he talked like this. I’m glad to know that he cares about my life.
At my bedroom
I realize that all people only want to see me happy, but sometimes you’ll be fine if you don’t hear anything about the truth. I don’t know why do I have stupid idea to search my love in a book store. Why do I keep thinking that meeting someone in a book store is a cool? How if Jenna’s right that I am not realistic? I only want to have a perfect life, Like every body wants. Doesn’t it sound realistic?
Hooaammm…I’m so tired now. I need to sleep. Working for 11 hours every day is not easy. It kills you slowly, but life must go on. Based on a famous novel that I read, Life is about eat, pray, love. Where am I now? Well, That’s it for today.
At Amezon City
Yeah. I’m here now. There are so many games that I wanna play. Basketball, Racing Car, Dancing floor, and singing place. Hahaha. I’ve got a card and I wanna use it for all games. I don’t know I feel free being here. Alone in crowded place. Never mind. Sometimes I need to give my self a reward. So, Amezon City is a good choice. I choose 5 songs and I sing like a star where nobody can hear me. Weird! Now I call my self Weird.
While I am playing basketball, there is a pretty boy is standing behind me. He is waiting for me, but really I don’t like anyone disturbs my game, he gets the sign that I don’t want him there, he goes away from me. Finally. Sometimes I am so cruel, I don’t deny it, but it’s just 10 percent from me.
After I finish my game, I go to Aciz, the nearest book store. I am doing my mission impossible. I am looking arround and trying to find a good book, but all books are good. Btw, I have 2 new books that I haven’t read because I have no time to read it. Buying a book is only a way to scan if there’s someone who is looking good in every book store. Haha. Without I realize I am so materialistic now. Oh no! Bring me home God!
At my brother’s bedroom
September 18, 2011 at 01.00 AM. I’m typing my story now. I know that sometimes we are unlucky in one part of our lives. No problem. I do understand that I just too worry about my self in the next 2 days. Who am I? Will I be different? Better or worse? I am what I am thinking.
24. Not bad to be a big girl. We are grown up. I believe that God has a bright plan for me. I have ever talked to my self on mirror, What will I do if my wish comes true? Am I ready? Am I good enough to make my family happy? Do I care about my best friend, Jenna? Or I am too busy and worrying about something that hasn’t happened yet? Do I friend with my self?
I see a Sajadah. I need to be on it. I need to talk. I need to make my brain clear. I have to come back. I’m too far from my life. I’m sorry Jenna. I’m blind. You are my best friend. I don’t know if you still want to talk to me or not, but tonight I really miss you. Thanks God for bringing her and a nice family.
Light will guide you home
And Ignite your bones
I will try to fix you
Note: Btw, I’m still praying one day someone sings this song for me J